I was wearing my Gryffindor shirt while Christmas shopping and there was this cute guy in a Slytherin hat and we made eye contact and he looked me up and down and said “10 points to Gryffindor” and winked at me and normally I hate being hit on but damn boy that’s the way to do it
a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.
what the fuck